“Oh it’s you,” said Aidan, recognizing the face. “How’d you sleep?”
“Terribly. It was so hot! I just kept tossing and turning, throwing the blanket off and then pulling it back –“
“Why are you sleeping in a blanket? It’s 90 degrees in there!”
“Oh I need the blanket to sleep. I like the weight, the squeeze.”
“Heh I know you like the squeeze,” smiled Aidan, as she continued to get dressed for work. “Did you try drinking some water when you got up?”
“I thought about it, but then I thought I’d have to go pee, and then I’d really be up all night. So I didn’t, and laid there thirsty for what felt like an hour.”
“Oh my god why didn’t you just drink the water?”
“I did, I did! In the end I did.”
“And? Did it make you feel better?”
“No, just as I was about to fall back asleep I had to go pee. And then I was up. Scrolling. And when I was finally tired enough to sleep, it was almost 4.”
“Ugh. Remember when we could pull all nighters? Now a night of rough sleep will throw me off for a week. Good times!”
“Were they?” Cynicism came easily to Nadia.
“It’s supposed to be cooler today,” said Aidan, trying to nudge the conversation in a positive direction.
“Barely! But I’ll take it. How is the talk coming?”
Aidan winced. “Percolating.”
“The presentation is on Friday. Aidan. You have to write it.”
“I know, I know, don’t rush me!”
“It’s Tuesday, I don’t think this counts as rushing anymore. Or perhaps that’s all it counts as? Now I’m confused.” Nadia used self-deprecation to diffuse tense conversations. Aidan appreciated it, but it didn’t ease her much.
“I do my best work at the eleventh hour. It takes time for me to build up the focus, I just need to relax more.”
“I don’t think putting this off is relaxing you. It’s actually making you more anxious. How well did you sleep last night?”
“I’m fine. Just need to hold things together for a couple more days, get the thoughts sorted and I’ll put it all down together.”
“If you say so.” Nadia did not make an effort to hide her lack of confidence.
“Okay I need to run now, else I’ll miss the bus. I’ll see you tonight!” Aidan reached for the door when they both heard a chime.
Aidan froze. Her eyes went big. She slowly turned back to Nadia, who had the same expression on her face. Aidan reached into her bag and pulled out her phone. She knew who it was before she opened it. It was his special chime, that they had picked together for each other, so they always knew when they texted each other.
“Aidan, look at me. Take a breath. Calm yourself.”
But Aidan couldn’t hear Nadia over the loud silence that drowned the world out. She looked at the words on the screen. Nadia was watching everything happen in slow motion.
After a long pause, Aidan looked up at Nadia. Their eyes met.
“He wants to talk …”
“And? Go on? About what?”
“That’s all it says.”
“Motherfu–“
“This is good, right? Right? Maybe he’s changed his mind! Maybe he’s come to his senses! Maybe he wants to get back –“
“Don’t even go there. You need to reel in those expectations lady, get a hold of yourself. Even if he does, and that’s a big if, you can’t let him back in that easy. Not after what he said. Not when he put his own need for independence over your needs of connection.”
“But if he’s reaching out, if he wants to come back, isn’t that good?”
“We don’t know that. All he said is he wants to talk. You’re filling in the rest. Take a breath. Remember how tough the last few weeks, hell, months have been.”
“But what if he needs me?”
“What about what you need? You always put their needs before yours, and they all end up leaving you for it. What good has that done?”
“Nadia! Not everyone is as selfish as you!”
“Maybe you could learn something.”
Nadia could cut easily, and though Aidan wanted to argue more, she was quickly becoming overwhelmed with emotion. She realized there were tears on her face. Nadia wiped them.
“Breathe,” said Nadia, gently.
“Why does he make me feel this way?” Aidan whispered.
“Because you love him.”
“Then why is it bad that he’s reaching out? That I want to see him?”
“Aidan, there is so much happening in your life right now, there’s stress enough as it is without him piling on. Especially after he caused so much of it!”
Aidan stretched her arm towards Nadia, who reached back. The glass between their fingertips was cool, or perhaps Aidan was just really warm with emotion.
“You don’t think I should respond? Just ghost him?”
“I think you should. I think you should even meet him. But go without expectation, without a narrative of what you think will happen. Give him room to truly say what he wants, without coloring it already. Let him say his piece, and consider it, and then decide accordingly. Be fair, be grounded, be honest, with him and with yourself.”
Aidan nodded. Nadia was right. This was the mature thing to do.
“I miss his squeezes,” sighed Aidan.
“I know kiddo.”
They sat on the floor, back to back, in silence. Even in moments of abandonment, of isolation, of aloneness, Nadia was always there. Aidan felt deep gratitude arise in her heart, mixing in with and calming the sadness.
“Alright, you’ve missed the bus, but maybe you can still catch the train. Freshen up!”
Aidan went into the bathroom and washed her face. She emerged a couple minutes later, still a bit sad but quite presentable. She looked at her reflection in the bedroom mirror, from which Nadia smiled back.
“One thing at a time. It’s just a day. I’ll see you when you get back.”
Aidan nodded. She turned and reached for the door. With a hand on the knob, she paused, took a deep breath, stood up to her full height, and filling herself with confidence and resolve, left.
Origin
The prompt for this writing breakfast was to write a story using only, or mainly, dialogue. The format was inspired by my dear friend Hilary’s distinctive writing style. The story was inspired by the talented Julie Nolke’s Mirror Mirror series. I was glad to find the names “Aidan” and “Nadia”, reflections of each other, that could both pass for female names, without that being immediately obvious in the beginning.
The final idea that I wanted to get in but couldn’t figure out how, was that although the man leaves because of his need to be independent, and Aidan craves connection, in fact they both need to learn the other: the man needs to grow in his ability to connect, to sustain and appreciate and get joy and satisfaction from connection; whereas Aidan needs to learn to be more independent, so that all her joy and sense of stability don’t come from her partner and her ability to provide for others, and she is able to live a happy and satisfied life on her own.